So today was my day to see the doctors and have yet another scan....
I waited in the waiting room and with my mum and both the girls as my appointment was at 9am.
I sat there and waited and wondering what they were gunna say. Last time i was here i had lost the baby and i never knew what was coming! This time no excitement of will i see my baby... just the cold hard reality that infact there is nothing there.
Sophie started bugging my mum to take her toilet and mum took her but Savannah wanted to stay with me!
I said to savannah, Sod's law says the minute she goes i will be called and you cant go in lol
Withen 30 seconds i heard Scarlett come through ... typical lol
I took savannah and hoped my mum would know we have been called in.. i went to the same bath room and changed into this towel... the same towel on the back of the door.. knowing that same of my happiness moments in this pregnancy was in that bathroom when i remember looking in the mirror in the bathroom and looking at my belly thinking wow! Your alive in there.... and now looking thinking that seems like a distance memory!!
i went and sat in the big chair and put my legs in the holder and she started the scan the whole time i could hear the lady making small talk with Savannah and Savannah just chatting away...
I didnt even realise it would be that quick but before i even had a chance to look at the screen she tilted it and said "It looks like there is still retained product of pregnancy!" she measured it all out and all i remember thinking was wow 38.7mm thats bigger then my baby ever was!
She said right just go and put a towel around you and go get changed and we can talk about your options.
The whole time i was in the bathroom all i could think of is wanting to show them pictures of my baby and let them see what "a bunch of cells" look like..
When i came out the bathroom i said to the ladies who performed my scan "can i show you something?" they said yes i told them i wanted to show them what my bunch of cells looked like.. and they said no dear its a baby i told them the doctors there didnt care! and they told me to flush her down the toilet. I showed them a picture and straight away one of the ladies (the same lady who scanned me at 5 weeks) said THATS A GIRL LOOK... and pointed out her little bits... even though i kinda guessed already and all the dreams ive had she was a girl it was lovely to have a professional confirm it!!! :D Finally my little princess! feels nicer saying it!
They just said how beautiful and how peaceful she looked and how wonderful and amazing it can be when it goes well... which i agree is true we have living proof all around us everyday!
I was told that i could either wait and see if the piece comes away by it self or i could have another pill to get rid of the last bit! I didnt want the pill i was in so much pain before and im a wuss no way did i want that pain again!! they told me that although i would be in pain it would be no where near what it was.. I told them id leave it to see if it came away by it self she made me another scan date for 2nd june and that was it, i left and was free to do my own thing!
Once i left i texted a friend of mine called Brooke who has also been through this before and she told me that she caught an infection and it wasnt very nice and she wishes she got it all over instead of having it drag out for ages! Having heard this it made me realise that maybe i did need to take the tablets to get final bits out! but i needed to take the girls to school, So i took them in and decided to go back! I knew i was in for a bloody long wait! So i told mum to head home and leave me there and ill call her once ive been seen. She dropped me off and i headed straight upstairs.. What a bit of luck i get in the lift to go up to the ward and the women who done my scan was in the lift! I told her i changed my mind and she was brilliant said she would speak to the doctor to sort it out for me!
I sat upstairs for maybe 10-15 minutes and the doctor called me in.. spoke about the tablet i know it all anyway same old thing i took the tablet and left!!
its now 9.10pm and still nothing ive had a fair bit of pain that comes and goes but no blood well not clots anyway!! its not looking good is it!!! :(
Well ill update you more tomorrow
take care all
Much Love xxxx
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