as i sit here feeling sorry for myself i suddenly notice on the tele how there is a programme and they are showing a disabled girl and how hard her life is with all the problems she has and suddenly yet again im in tears.. is this a sign that maybe everything happens for a reason.. i sit here and cry and think how awful it is to not have our baby with us.. But would i really want her here and by like the girl on the tele with no quality of life.. i think i know the answer..
Im slowly coming to terms with all and how it wasnt meant to be.. i really dont wanna be one of those mums who go on and on about how sad there life is.. cos in reality im bloody lucky compared to some..
Although this is a awful thing to go through i have alot more then others and should grateful... <3
So i think Ive come to the conclusion that i need to take this tablet for closure more then anything. Each time i go to the loo im thinking is it going to be now i see something? is it today :(
ive seen alot of online photos of miscarriages at the stage i was and its all so clear a proper baby.. i know if i saw that id be devastated even more so. But then i cant keep on like this! and the d&c is not an option so the only way to get through this is to see the doctor and get the pill.. Least its closure and its all over...
Someone asked me if i was gunna try again once everything was over.. and my honest answer is no.. I dont think i could ever go through this again.. and i know id worry from the minute i found out to the minute it was born and its not fair to put myself through it again..
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I made a picture up of all the baby stuff to remember everything
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I just wanna remember everything and not forget nothing xxx
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