Baby Heartbeat... No wait Its MINE :(

Haven't wrote a blog for a while cos i didnt wanna fill up my blog with complete rubbish...

But as promised ill let you know all the fun sides of pregnancy no matter how stupid i am .. :( 

So a friend of mine very nicely lent me a angel sounds fetal heart monitor which i was over the moon to have.. and sat there that night and decided to give it a go.

I got the machine all out and set it up and got the only cream i could find which was face cream lol

but hey it would work!

i placed it on my belly and heard tonnes of swoshing and swashing.. and water and loads of other funny noise's.

But no heart beat dont know what exactly i was expecting to find but i was most certain i would hear a heartbeat however after nearly an hour of hearing loads of water NOTHING :(

So every night for 2 weeks i tried listening and then eventually i heard BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM....

AT LAST I FOUND IT!!!

Oh boy did i brag! i was so happy i phoned everyone i could think of to tell them ... infact if it was possible to get it written in the sky i would of lol...

what a sigh of relief it was to hear my little baby... EVERY NIGHT and i mean every night without fail i would go to my room to listen to him or her.. and just sit there and think wow your alive inside me.... :D There's no nicer feeling.... Sometimes i would sit there for hours just listening to how wonderful this little life was growing inside me!! :D

THEN....

One night i decided to record my babies heart beat and upload it to my blog and you tube for you all to hear... and then... i went on you tube to hear others who were at the same stage as me and there's were nothing like mine :( mine was all slow and normal and theres were really really fast.. and it sadly dawned on me that all this time i had infact been listening to my own heartbeat :(

To say i was gutted was by far the understatement of the year... i went to bed and i could of easily sobbed all night! :( 

The next morning waking up and not knowing if my tiny baby was even okay was awful... that horrible un knowing if its even there still.... i literally moped about all day and did nothing... it was horrible..

It took at least a week to actually get over it and i had my self convinced that i am no longer pregnant. Everyday seemed the day that the worse could happen and i actually stopped counting how pregnant i was.. and even now at exactly TEN WEEKS im still unsure if i am pregnant. I know its odd and ive had scans and blood tests and endless, endless pregnancy tests confirming it but theres still a niggerling feeling something is wrong or something isnt there :(


But Ive had to cheer myself up abit and just think whatever will be will be no matter if i heard it or not.. hearing the heartbeat would not stop anything bad happening.. and thats the way ive had to think about it! :(

I still feel abit down about it but i am trying every night to get a heart beat with no luck, however i have my 13 week scan on Tuesday :D (8th May 2012)  although i will only be 10 weeks and 4 days pregnant im still looking forward to seeing everything and seeing if my baby is okay :D 

Thank for listening to me and any questions feel free to message me .. or comment i will reply to all messages :D x

Much Love xxx