A BIG Thank You!

Well i wanna start with my day and how things have been today and then i wanna say a massive thank you to a few people..

Today has been a random day where i realize that there are infact still nice people in this world..
I woke up to a lovely little parcel from a lady i met online when i lost Sienna called Paula.. I spoke to her once and she told me she was going to send me something a little gift from one grieving mother to another. I thought it was very sweet but didnt think much of it., I sent her my address and didnt hear nothing back anyway i wake this morning to this parcel and inside was a beautiful bracelet and a lovely set or earings :) and it said printed on the card "ever loss matters" and its so true!

To be honest i was soppy and actually cried! lol
Sad i know but it really does fill me with joy that someone took time out of their day to make a bracelet and earings and write out two poems and send them to me for nothing! Just to cheer me up! how very beautiful of her! To get nothing out of it but the fact of helping others made me cry.. Im gunna blame it on the hormones!
Here is the picture of my bracelet! I love it...

After that i decided to go and do another test and hopefully see that line get darker to confirm i was pregnant as i got the test out of the paper i saw the strip and thought its gunna be bad news!
Once i finished i placed the test on the side and waited to see these magic two lines appear and make me feel whole again but inside a slight slight slight pale pink line appeared no darker then before but slightly lighter !! :(
I went straight downstairs to check with the other tests to see if its darker! but it wasnt infact it was the lightest ive had! its time to face facts and just realize that you are not pregnant!

Now i have to wait till my scan on the 16th to find out for definite but im pretty sure if i was it would get darker rather then lighter! I would have loved to be pregnant but i cant do nothing but wish and wait!

I had a pregnancy reading done today from a psychic online and it made me feel more hopeful and id be very interested to see if she is right! she said i would fall pregnant  in august september 2012 and have a healthy boy in 2013 and see my pregnant again in 2015 with a baby girl! And it made me feel so positive to know that i will have more children i know its all a guessing game and life could change at any moment but it gave me hope...

Other then that today i havent done anything.. its been pretty rubbish really no money and no energy to do anything. I dont know how people just get on normally after a miscarriage!

Maybe i over think this! but to me it actually helps to write down what im feeling! Ive found also that staying part of a community of pregnant people makes me feel alot better... i joined a group when i was pregnant called DID12 (due in december 2012) and i havent been able to bring myself to leave it! Apart of it is nosiness i wont deny! But another part of me wants to be there to help anyone who has been through what i have! I know it isnt the biggest loss and i know there are people out there that have ALOT worse but when you are going through it, it feels like the worse thing in the world! and when i lost sienna and i had all these messages saying ive been there i know how it feels... all i thought was but your now pregnant! so no you dont know how it feels at this very moment in time! wrong i but when i spoke to people actually going through it at the same time made me feel better... so thats why ive stayed a part of that pregnancy community! because id love to be able to help.. sad i know... but if i can make someone feel better or less alone then ive done something good!

So i said i wanna say thank you to a few people...So .....

Firstly a massive thank you to my mum.. who has been my rock throughout this whole thing! and it means alot to have her close by to not only listen but come to appointments with me and all the other things she has done!

My next thank you is to my friend Amy... Who has been brilliant too.. she has listened to me been in shock with me and done everything a friend is meant to do! She has given me advice and  just been there in general..

Also Brooke, I dont really know Brooke very well BUT she has been brilliant we have spoken pretty much everyday and been there for eachother too.. its been lovely to have someone who knows how i feel.. means so much to me!

And also a special shout out to everyone on the DID12 group who although i wasnt due in December let me stay with them and even now im not pregnant i get messages and texts to ask how i am it means so much to me....

all my other friends too Kim, Holly, Portia and the rest of you all means alot to have you all here and have your advice xxx

and a massive special thank you to my biggest fan :D

KATIE CLARKE!!! 

Who reads my blog and quotes pieces to our friend Amy it genuinely means alot to have people read it and enjoy it!! i get so many views although after hearing amy today it seems its only Katie but lol thank you to everyone who reads it and a very big love to my friend Katie xxxxxxxx

Much Love all xxxxx