Sunday, 13 May 2012

Baby Sienna - WARNING GRAPHIC PHOTOS..

So as normal Im gunna start with how everything been today.. and ill add the photos later...

So last night about 11pm i starting getting a dull ache really low down in my fanny... more along the bikini line...
I didnt think much off it so decided to leave it and just go bed..
I knew i had my medical management today so just thought if it happens by itself then even better...

So i woke this morning and had what could only be described as a brownish dis charge.. but it wasnt like you expect it was more watery substance.. I thought this is the start of it.. i started getting that dull ache back again and slight back ache but nothing alarming. A little while later i noticed what could be described as more brown discharge but with a little bubble of jelly blood in the middle. I carried on getting ready and Me and James dropped off the girls to my mums and made our way to the hospital as i had an appointment at 11am...

We got to the hospital and went straight to the front desk and told them i was there for the last step of my medical management. They sent me straight in a room and she came in withen minutes took my blood pressure which was perfect and told me that the pills could start something withen minutes to 2 weeks! I laughed and said to james "i bet its me that has it for two weeks!!" she told me to walk around and come back in 30 minutes to re check blood pressure and that was it!

To be honest nothing happened no pain no blood no nothing! Went back and was checked and told i was allowed to leave! :D I was happy but also feeling really bad that i was looking forward to getting her out of me and just having this part over! She gave me the box of tablets and told me that i took the first two at 12 so the next two where due at 4pm and i had to take them.

Once i was home it all happened fairly quickly.. i went to the loo and wiped and there was a fair bit of blood.. i needed to take my second lot of pills 4 hours later so i just waited then all of a sudden BANG... the pain and OMG.. i am the biggest wimp ever... I dont care what people say that is painfull... i sat there and every now and then id feel what only could be described as popping inside me.. not like bubbles but ripping.. like if you was to rip a plaster off.. that feeling of your skin being pulled thats what i felt.... EWWW i hated it...

I phoned my mum to tell her how i was feeling and the pain and hung up and then withen about 1 hour of the first pain... i was on the phone again and i said to my mum i wish it would just happen!!! and then all of sudden a POP... i said to my mum omg this massive pop in my belly as i opened my legs slightly to adjust my pad ( gross i know sorry about the tmi lol ) all the water and blood gushed out!!! OMFG.. "mum, i think thats my waters." i run to the loo and the blood was everywhere.. i mean EVERYWHERE.. on the sink, my arms, legs toilet seat and floor.. Needless to say i have alot of cleaning to do lol... All of it come out and i sat there for about half hour! till it stopped then... i realised that i hadnt taken the other tablet and it was nearly 4.30pm so i called james up and asked him to bring me the tablets and some milk... He brought them up and knocked at the bath room door... ..............

I got up to open the door and all i heard was something hit the water... Without thinking i looked.. and all of a sudden i could see this TINY.. baby.. i burst into tears just shouting NO NO NO, I DIDNT WANNA SEE THIS!!! James was like whats wrong???? i said, she is there! he looked in the toilet in shock!!! She was there this tiny tiny baby.. with ten fingers and ten toes...Just sitting on top of all this paper which was covered in blood and there was my tiny baby! My Baby... My Baby...

I called my mum and she just said "Scarlett, Im sure she looks like a real baby, cos you know what she is meant to look like!" I said no, she is sooo real.. she is a real baby.. and she said im coming over! to see the baby and see if your okay... I think she could tell how upset i was.

Apart of me couldnt bare to look at her... Because what if she looked horrible, or what if she had bits missing how could i live with knowing that.. But i couldnt bare to leave her there so i got the nearest clean tub i could find and picked her up while trying to get her... all i could say was..

Im so sorry baby, Im so sorry....

I know ive done nothing wrong but i couldnt believe that my child was in the toilet... dead... the child that i planned her whole future.. an the same toilet i found out i was having her.. and then hit me.. This is the only day for the rest of my life that me and my daughter will be in the same room... Ive met my daughter... through the tears i sat there just staring at her.... My baby was here! My baby was in my hands.. 6 months too early these tiny fingers should be holding my hand... but instead there in a lid ...and un aware that im even touching her!!!.. :( i was so scared to touch her incase she broke or i hurt her fragile body but eventually i did she was soo cold.. my poor baby...

Suddenly my mum turned up and when she saw her she was nearly in tears.. she just said OMG SHE IS REAL... she is so amazing looking! im in ore of how wonderful she looked...

When my mum left i just sat  there the pain had gone and the blood was just unbelievable..

Ive never seen so much blood in my whole life!

Ive kept my baby in a jar, until i sort something out tomorrow im thinking of burying her.. oh and also i checked her and i could see the beginnings of a fanny lol So my little lady she is.. I knew it all along...

Other then whats happened i cant really tell you very much the blood is unbelievable.. the pain is very very intense... even now at 9.30pm the blood and the severe clotting is still going strong! Im in agony to be honest.. writing this keeps my mind off the pain... below are some the photos of today...

Ive taken random photos of everything so anyone going through this knows what to look for.. ive looked online for images earlier of the beginnings of a miscarriage and i found nothing! So maybe this can help people....

Ive also included picture of My daughter so if you dont wanna see please dont look.. Some might find it upsetting... xxx


This is the light brown discharge it started with...


When the blood first started..

My tiny baby...


Well ive had one busy mad day so im gunna leave you all and hope i havent upset you all too much..

Much Love

XXX

6 comments:

  1. scarlet she is so beautiful hun, im so sorry for your loss xxxx

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  2. Thank You xxx She is perfect to me xxxx

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  3. Oh scarlett she is beautiful.im so sorry for your loss,you are so brave.xxx

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  4. Your baby was so beautiful and perfect. It doesn't make since why you would lose her. Thank you for sharing this. I think my readers would love it if you guest blogged. She was so beautiful. I hope you feel better hun. I'm always her to talk

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  5. Tanisha, I will start writing my piece for your blog this evening.. Much Love to you all and thank you all for reading this xxx

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  6. oh wow that is amazing! i am so sorry for your loss. as a mother to my angel son i feel the pain. she is beautiful

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